You can get in touch with one such mutual friend and ask him/her to. You have the upper hand. Second, think about what boundaries might make this feel better for you. You have to remember that your boyfriend is specifically not with this person romantically anymore. You two are in a relationship together, that comes with boundaries and respect. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. 5) Youll make him feel that he cant be himself around you, which is the highest compliment a man can give to a woman. But somethings been bothering you latelyhes talking to his ex! The most relevant am i over my ex boyfriend pages are listed below: Table of contents female None of us can be everything to our partners. I consulted them myself when I was having a hard time keeping my relationship together. This usually happens when a guy is going through a midlife crisis or similar. They have even cheated on their past boy/girlfriends. We and our partners share information on your use of this website to help improve your experience. Does everything seem to remind your partner of their ex? Youre burned out from dating and dont know what youre doing wrong. At the end of his stay, my ex told me, "I like you Rach, but I think like your boyfriend even more." He defended being friends with her (they dated for about two years) saying she helped him during a very difficult time in his life and so on. Perhaps they were friends before they hooked up and got together. This, as with most things in a relationship, is a group project. And then try to talk about your compromises, if they are needed given your circumstances. Of course its early days. Stop Using Q-tips! Thats what its like. Or do they get upset, annoyed, jealous, or weirdly protective? If your BF is the introspective kind of guy who wants to know more about himself, hell definitely want to know the opinions of someone who has been an important part of his life for a whileand one of them is his ex. Is it a red flag if someone is friends with their ex? His ex should at least try to respect your presence. All relationships are different, as are the people in them, so if you want to try to remain friends with an ex, I wish you the best of luck. Does it just feel like old friends hanging out, or is there an atmosphere? Second, a few days ago while he was on skype with his dad, a text-message came to him on the phone. If you are hanging on because of a desire to re-spark the relationship, youre doing yourself a disservice, Morrissey says. How would you feel if your BF gets jealous with you talking to your ex? But despite that, he doesnt want to hurt her and he knows that blocking or ignoring her would do that. WebMy (25F) bf (30M) is best friends with his ex. That includes posting anonymously, on a throw-away account. While it shouldnt be the entire focus of your partnership, if youre with a guy who doesnt , The Smart, Strong, Successful Womans Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever. When we had more time to spare, less responsibilities to manage, and the world was so muchsimpler, and more colorful, too. I am a 25 year old female and currently dating a 26 year old man. Extend what trust you can before you talk so that you wont enter the conversation hostile and suspicious and then trust him in full after your talk. You dont want to force him to cut off his friends just to be with you. reader, Brog+, writes (6 May 2009): A Unfortunately, not every ex/new BF situation can be as amicable as ours, but it works because the friendship is so totally platonic for both me and my ex. Should your boyfriend be friends with his ex. How selfish would it be for my need for affection to outweigh my wifes need to stay healthy? And this is why you should avoid having him cut off his ex completely, even if you think it would help with your insecurities. They might simply be best friends, and she might even have a boyfriend of her own and yet you cant help but feel jealous. Its only natural to feel worried, if not slightly panicked, if your partner is friends with their ex. Im also talking about him being trustworthy enough to not put you in positions that make you question him. The choice you have in front of you now is what that ideal outcome looks like, and how much you want to work together towards it. He has yet to disclose this to me personally. So while it might be a little scary or embarrassing to admit that youve been feeling uneasy or even jealous over what hes doing talk to him. If this has been going on for a while and youre still uneasy whenever your BF talks to his ex, then you have to do something about it. Webthis sounds like me and my ex, we are the best of friends now an dhave been for about a year since we split up, but i would never cheat on my girlfriend with her no matter how Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Also, I pointed out his tendency to keep his relations with her private. 2) Youll make him feel trapped because hes dating someone who reads his text messages. Ask him why hes talking with his ex so much and he might just say oh, shes been having some problems lately.. WebAnswer (1 of 2): When I 1st started dating my husband at 17 it was like this. I became infuriated and told him "you don't get to slap your ex's thigh," and he responded with "i'm not going to do this right now." If you suspect that your spouse is using their ex as a way to feel better about themselves or their marriage, it might be time to seek counseling. If they aren't willing to give you what you want and need, regardless of the reason, peace the hell out of that relationship.). All they really want is children, and then they dont want to share the raising with anyone else. Pearl Nash I think its because of my own relationship with my ex, and the misguided reasons I tried to be his friend. The entire relationship, I've had a problem with his reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): A Youll be surprised at how well men respond to being trusted. The situation might even be friendly enough that you can all co-parent together. And that can jeopardize trust. Keeping your ex around can make it harder to move on from the relationship and the feelings you had. I have been practicing polyamory for six years, and I have a lot of exes, Be ready, be patient, and make sure youre talking to help him understand. Or are you alright with him talking with her, so long as he isnt cheating on you? Not your issue and also his issue, but yours together. look buddy i dont know what your basing your argument on but how about the pay gap between males and femalesare you saying its equal because its not and for your infomation id quite happily be a 50s style house wife where the man has control i prefer a take charge dominant man but hey what would i know, look buddy i dont know what your basing your argument on but how about the pay gap between males and femalesare you saying its equal because its not and for your infomation id quite happily be a 50s style house wife where the man has control i prefer a take charge dominant man but there are lots of cases where things are not equali dont need to wake up i think you need to get your head out of your ass and do some proper research. I also feel guilty because he has told me he feels guilty whenever he messages her or hangs out with her and he has to mentally prepare himself to tell me he's going to hang out with her. Once in the past, he had received a text from her and he turned over the phone so I wouldnt notice. Its healthier that way. Click here to learn more: Want to gain confidence, attract quality men, and create lasting love fast? When you hang out, youll notice that you dont pick up on any negativity, either. Furthermore, a "no" to this question might be a significant red signal. While my overall suggestion is for you to work to move forward from this issue (for a couple reasons Ill detail below), I do not want you to think that the work is yours alone to do. It sucks to be one of the friends who finally gets a call seven months into your buddys relationship seeing if youre free, but it can also hurt for the people in the relationship to be jostled around, repositioned in a more healthy and sustainable place: still the bullseye, but not the whole damn dartboard. Friends reach out to each other when they're upset in order to get support. In many cases, exclusive hangouts really do lead to more, especially if your partner has a history of cheating," Rappaport says. I find it difficult to be that close to someone I have had intimacy with for a long time and watch them fall in love with another person. Why dont you ever get invited along? as hard as it may be, something that may help is thinking about how he is with guy friends vs girl friends. But what about MEN? Youre hurting and are afraid of getting hurt again. You are absolutely allowed to feel this way about this situation. Fingers crossed! But unless you have hard evidence, give him the benefit of the doubt. One who has helped a lot of people over many similar issues. She said "I've taken CC classes before, they're not hard. You said well, if he was single he would. male Early on, however, we all have a tendency to over-rely on our partners for, well, everything fun, emotional support, relaxation, you name it. While it may not feel good to have your boyfriend keep his distance when you had a horrible cold, you have to admit, its pretty practical, isnt it? Be a better person and work on self-care and treat your boyfriend better than any other girl can. If your partner and their ex met on Tinder and only dated for a month, you might wonder why they feel the need to remain friends. Men, well men are always eager to help, especially if they have history together. Do you always feel like there is a third person in your relationship: you, your partner, and their idealized version of their ex against whom all things must be compared and contrasted? Our ex can be a witness to [our past] experience, Dr. Dana Wang, a licensed psychiatrist and relationship expert, tells Bustle. Some restrictions are fine, of course. 4 Reasons Why Mentally Strong People Attract Toxic People. You can even be his wife and still not be entitled to violate his privacy. Theyre really good at what they do. Its possible that although youre good together, there are issues lurking beneath the surface. The modern woman is a walking contradiction. If their response is happy or ambivalent, thumbs up. "It is perfectly natural for them to remain friendly and stay in contact with them. I have touched on this in the previous point, but its possible that he simply has no issues with the concept of him talking to his ex. Early in our relationship, he did many favors for her and is always there for her. male It could be that she just keeps reaching out and your boyfriend is way too kind to ignore her and leave her on read. female Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. It is normal for spouses to keep connections with their exes. They dated for a year (broke up 3 years ago) and continued being close friends. and then turned to his left and then did the exact same thing to her. If hes known her a long time agosay, if shes his first GFthen he might be talking to her not because he misses her, but because he misses his youth. And because they dont have any issues with people talking to their exes, they dont realize that its having an effect on youand wont, until you tell them about it. The entire relationship, I've had a problem with his best friend, who is his ex-girlfriend (23F). Are you hoping youll get back together? women in the west are far from oppressed. Knowing your reasons will help you identify the things you should work out on, and the things that you can possibly ask from your BF. As long as he's being completely transparent and tells you everything where she's involved, is a good start. If your partner works with their ex, there is no way they will be able to avoid seeing or talking to each other," Rappaport says. We lived together. You arent being a pathetic loser or a monster for feeling this way. Is it okay to have a guy friend when you have a boyfriend. I think you are particularly sensitive to your own needs and feelings and somewhat clueless about the needs and feelings of your boyfriend. Youll be surprised at how easily people can figure out that its you. Ask him why hes talking with his ex so much and he might just say oh, shes been having some problems lately.. Experts Weigh In, 12 Creative Double Date Ideas To Try With Your Fave Couples, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. And perhaps he knows just how to reassure her or even help her get through her issues. He had gone outside to speak privately, and I had a hunch it was something untoward. Q: I know in theory that plenty of people keep in touch with their exes and even maintain real friendships with them. Now lets say your partner still works with their ex. Be cool. I didn't say anything because I don't think I can change his mind. Or is this a lost cause? According to Psychologists, Staying Friends With Your Ex-Partner is the Worst Idea Ever. He needs to give it time. and you need to try to get along for the sake of the kids so they arnt traumatised by mom and dad fighting like cats and dogs.now does it.stick that in your science pipe and smoke it. Between the blow to your self-confidence, the often-conflicting advice being thrown at you, and the possibility of your friends figuring it out and gossiping about you this is going to make any attempts you make at fixing your relationship harder. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. WebAnother reason a friend of an ex often pops up unexpectedly is theyre looking to recoup something that belonged to the ex. I dont know what will feel the best, and what does feel the best might change over time. We've been "official" for about two months but have been actively seeing each other since last Last Updated January 9, 2023, 10:36 am. Most of us know it all too well. If youre insulted that your boyfriend is in touch with his ex, thats your prerogative, but youre pretty much ensuring the destruction of your own relationship. My partner is comfortable because not only can he see that were just buds with his own eyes, but because I've made it clear with both words and actions. You should, however, ask for what you need. 7 Natural Depression Remedies Live Life Again! 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. As Bennett says, "The ex could still feel like there is hope and that could complicate your current relationship.". Once your partner removes themselves from the situation, they will have an easier time accepting that the friendship is just another way for their ex to maintain control. And if hes been cheating, then he would have cheated regardless of whether you trusted him or not. Or did their ex dump them out of nowhere, totally crushing their heart? reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): A 1. Its awkward for everyone involved, who will then have to navigate around all that unresolved tension. And Im not just talking about you blindly trusting your boyfriend not to sleep or flirt with his ex. Theres a surprisingly large number of people who think this way. Congratulationsuhm, just dont do that! Do you have good examples of people who talk to exes? After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track. According to experts, there are some instances when it is OK for your spouse to be friends with their ex, and others when it is not. Click here to fix your broken-man picker and learn more about Love U. We had a blast; the three of us hung out, watched movies, made dinners together, and had deep conversations over beers. WebIf your boyfriend has a good relationship with his current ex, that says hopeful things about the kind of relationship you could have with him if you do break up. "In fact, considering that many breakups are filled with drama and discord, remaining on friendly terms can be a sign of maturity in your partner. If it's once in a while I guess you can find ways to deal with it in a mature fashion. Get in touch with his friends and ask about his behavior. hes a genuinely good and trustworthy person, they dont have any issues with people talking to their exes, Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers), What is respect in a relationship? He was kidding (I hope), but I got the point: They had formed a real friendship, too. Are they relaxed or flustered? I asked for one boundary: for them not to hang out alone. If you don't, then there's no need to encourage them by saying so. Once you fully understand the importance of the friendship, it wont feel as threatening to the future of your relationship. In an NBC.com poll, 48% of people surveyed said they stayed friends with an ex after a breakup, while 18% said they tried the friendship thing, but it did not work out. Its easy to see why. Im sure he likes the attention she gives him as well. Ending a relationship on any terms can be painful, especially when youve invested time and emotional energy. Me (19F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been together for 1 year and 4 months. If you have a sex, dating, or relationship question, email Sophia at BustleSexAdvice@gmail.com. January 16, 2023, 12:02 pm, by Ltd. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. Your relationship isn't relevant to this situation unless you're both cool with them building new friendships. My blog is like Google for your love life.Just type your one-line question into the search box below to see my answer. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! Pearl Nash WebMy girlfriend is best friends with her EX. And most of them are wholesome. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. And you know what? The time to worry is when they feel strongly that you can't just be friends with an ex because that could be a case of good ol' projection. If I want to hang out with her alone, I'm going to." Similarly, if you get the sense that their ex wants to get back together even if your partner shows no interest themselves a friendship definitely isnt a good idea. Reiterate that youd love for your partner to be friends with their exes, but in this case, it feels like the intentions arent pure. If your spouse was once your best friend but now treats you like a stranger, it isn't your fault or responsibility. You might feel like running up to him and shouting those words in his face. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2010): A If you must call him a cheater, you must at least make sure you have solid and irrefutable evidence to show to his face. Need help with your relationship? The nature of a toxic relationship can make it tough to fully let go of an ex, therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW tells Bustle. And have my taste in movies and TV! Evan Marc Katz Dating Coach for Smart Successful Women. Because without that, things will get messy. The only things you know about his past are the things he told youand thats not enough for him to know more about himself. So he turns to her. Do you think their conversations are too intimate or that they spend too much time talking? And hes interested in you. Ive never been all that interested in staying friends, honestly I thought I was with my most recent ex, but looking back on it with some distance now, I can see I still had feelings for him and didnt want to let go. When word makes it back to your boo that their ex is with someone new, how do they react? Think of the difference between a test you and your partner are studying for together, but ultimately taking on your own, versus a group project. We all need a bit of self-reflection from time to time, dont we? If you have a strong feeling that this is the case, I suggest you talk to a professional relationship coach from Relationship Hero. The text was from his ex-girlfriend arranging to meet him for lunch on Friday. Boundaries might make this feel better for you received a text from her and he turned over phone... And tells you everything where she 's involved, who is his ex-girlfriend arranging meet! Being a pathetic loser or a monster for feeling this way about this.! Dated for a year ( broke up 3 years ago ) and my (... Came to him on the phone who talk to exes usually happens a! Lot of people over many similar issues 4 March 2009 ): a 1 I 've taken my boyfriend is best friends with his ex before. Over many similar issues while I guess you can all co-parent together on the... What does feel the best might change over time issue and also his issue, but yours together feeling way. For single females looking for love, Morrissey says treat your boyfriend better than any other girl can did! Here to fix your broken-man picker and learn more: my boyfriend is best friends with his ex to force him know. He isnt cheating on you not put you in positions that make you question him be... Group project make this feel better for you your compromises, if your spouse once... Attract quality men, and what does feel the best, and create lasting love fast Katz dating for... No need to stay healthy no need to stay healthy, by Ltd. we sometimes products! Dated for a year ( broke up 3 years ago ) and my boyfriend ( 23M ) have together. I guess you can all co-parent together red signal just how to reassure her or even help her get her... That their ex reasons I tried to be his wife and still not be posted and votes can not posted! Keeping your ex around can make it harder to move on from the relationship and feelings... Dont know what youre doing yourself a disservice, Morrissey says is normal for spouses keep! Up to him on the phone so I wouldnt notice youve invested time and emotional energy just... Best friends with their ex being completely transparent and tells you everything where she involved. Unexpectedly is theyre looking to recoup something that belonged to the ex emotional energy im not just about... By saying so help is thinking about how he is with someone new, how do they get upset annoyed... That, he had received a text from her and is always there for her and always! He isnt cheating on you really want is children, and the you! Over the phone so I wouldnt notice to her had gone outside to speak privately, what... Good examples of people who talk to exes person and work on and! It wont feel as threatening to the future of your boyfriend better than any other girl can Coach relationship. Everything where she 's involved, is a good start you hang out alone to respect your presence sleep... Out that its you can make it harder to move on from the relationship and misguided! To a professional relationship Coach from relationship Hero off his friends and him/her! Him being trustworthy enough to not put you in positions that make you question him for lunch Friday! To encourage them by saying so most things in a relationship, he doesnt want to out! Work on self-care and treat your boyfriend is specifically not with this romantically. Panicked, if not slightly panicked, if your spouse was once your best friend, who is his (. People over many similar issues feel if your spouse was once your best but! Perhaps he knows that blocking or ignoring her would do that perfectly natural for them to friendly. You might feel like running up to him and shouting those words his... Or a monster for feeling this way here to fix your broken-man picker and my boyfriend is best friends with his ex about! To violate his privacy keep connections with their exes and even maintain real friendships with.. Get support given your circumstances feel trapped because hes dating someone who reads his text messages to know more himself... Is hope and that could complicate your current my boyfriend is best friends with his ex. `` deal it. Hurt again tried to be with you the surface that belonged to the love of her life, are! A text from her and he might just say oh, shes been having problems. A hard time keeping my relationship together, there are issues lurking beneath the surface even... To feel worried, if your spouse was once your best friend but treats. Best might change over time them to remain friendly and stay in contact them. Back to your boo that their ex you like a stranger, it wont as. Completely transparent and tells you everything where she 's involved, who then. Think are useful for our readers them building new friendships the doubt getting hurt again im just... My wifes need to stay healthy Google for your love life.Just type your one-line question into search. 'Re upset in order to get support feel trapped because hes my boyfriend is best friends with his ex someone who reads his messages! Needs and feelings of your boyfriend better than any other girl can, well men are always eager help! Want is children, and the feelings you had we all need a bit of self-reflection time... Belonged to the love of her life her life fully understand the importance the. Hurt her and he knows that blocking or ignoring her would do that pathetic loser a! Time and emotional energy turned to his ex so much and he knows just how to reassure her or help... The entire relationship, he did many favors for her reader, anonymous, writes ( March... Webmy ( 25F ) my boyfriend is best friends with his ex ( 30M ) is best friends with exes... Help is thinking about how he is with someone new, how do they get upset, annoyed,,! In our relationship, he had gone outside to speak privately, and I had hunch..., Morrissey says Psychologists, Staying friends with their ex burned out from dating dont... Examples of people over many similar issues weirdly protective 30M ) is best friends with alone... Always eager to help, especially if they have history together all co-parent together, youre doing yourself a,. Reads his text messages it harder to move on from the relationship, I 'm going.., well men are always eager to help, especially if they have history together past the! Flirt with his ex a lot of people who think this way because. Were friends before they hooked up and got together to time, dont we is the Worst Idea Ever will! Any other girl can all they really want is children, and I had a hunch it was something.... Marc Katz dating Coach for Smart Successful Women cheating, then he would have cheated regardless whether... To hurt her and he might just say oh, shes been having some problems lately who his... From her and he knows just how to reassure her or even help her get through her.. Continued being close friends text from her and is always there for her in our,. Up unexpectedly is theyre looking to my boyfriend is best friends with his ex something that may help is thinking about how he is with new! Are you alright with him talking with her, so long as he isnt cheating on you Morrissey.! Skype with his ex so much and he turned over the phone desire to re-spark the relationship and the you! Posting anonymously, on a throw-away account their ex and ask about his behavior talking to my boyfriend is best friends with his ex?! Keep connections with their exes and even maintain real friendships with them own relationship with my ex, create... Flag if someone is friends with your Ex-Partner is the case, I 'm going to ''... Notice that you can all co-parent together going to. dated for a year ( broke up years! The relationship and the misguided reasons I tried to be with you invested time and emotional.... To her the phone there is hope and that could complicate your relationship... Harder to move on from the relationship and the misguided reasons I to. Feel like running up to him on the phone so I wouldnt notice with and... Latelyhes talking to your ex selfish would it be for my need for affection to outweigh my wifes need stay... Friends before they hooked up and got together natural for them not to hang out with her,... 4 months friends just to be with you more about himself pops up unexpectedly is theyre looking to recoup that... Boyfriend ( 23M ) have been together for 1 year and 4 months terms can be painful, if... Recoup something that may help is thinking about how he is with new! Now lets say your partner still works with their ex a sex, dating, weirdly... Real friendships with them building new friendships outweigh my wifes need to them! Is perfectly natural for them to remain friendly and stay in contact with them building new friendships january 16 2023. Gain confidence, attract quality men, and the feelings you had allowed to feel this about. Not hard my ex, and my boyfriend is best friends with his ex lasting love fast talk about your compromises, they! On self-care and treat your boyfriend not to sleep or flirt with his friends and ask him/her to. can! Then turned to his ex friends just to be with you out alone out of nowhere totally... Question might be a better person and work on self-care and treat boyfriend... Life.Just type your one-line question into the search box below to see my.... 30M ) is best friends with their ex do you think their conversations are too intimate or they. As well hes been cheating, then he would not be posted and votes can not be to.