84. So, when it's a time to enjoy and laugh, don't be afraid to laugh out loud! Zaccheus, 193. He that fears not the future may enjoy the present. The Muslim says "yes, that does seem to be quick. Why couldnt Jonah trust the ocean? He then closed the closet door, took a new sheet of paper and wrote, Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again story. Fear is a self imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be. This is going to be liturgy.. 1) i don't like the people 2) the people don't like me and 3) i don't want to go. What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer? A man, thirsty after a long hike, walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. A man had need to fear this most of all that he fears not at all. What did Adam say to Eve when handing her something to wear? 148. we're one short.". Suppose this should happen, or suppose that should happen; what could we do; how could we bear it? Which minor prophet is well-known thanks to cookies? Weak Christians are afraid of the shadow of the cross. Why is David considered the best babysitter in the Bible? But the Bible presents a different perspective and definition of a Christian. Why did Adam and Eve do math every day? 66. He needs four-wheel drive because the clouds are bumpy. 140. 138. What do they call pastors in Germany? Samsonhe brought the house down. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, Fear visits everyone. Quackers. Dear Jesus, if I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will eat all my vegetables for a year. Then Johnnie thought, Oh, no, that means spinach, broccoli and asparagus. Halo, halo, halo! 122. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb. 134. However, religion and the ideals that go with it may lend themselves to excellent, clean humor. Which Bible character was the best musician? Look how fears have presented themselves, so have supports and encouragements; yea, when I have started, even as it were at nothing else but my shadow, yet God, as being very tender of me, hath not suffered me to be molested, but would with one Scripture or another, strengthen me against all; insomuch that I have often said, Were it lawful, I could pray for greater trouble, for the greater comfort's sake. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? 130. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? 88. It wasnt the Pinky Promised Land. A hand shot up in the air. Behind me and before me is God and I have no fears. The daughter answered, Dont be scared, youll get your quilt. Abraham knew a Lot. 43. What does the Episcopal Church say before a big gathering? Christian Humor Quotes, One Liners & Jokes 7 Funny Christian Humor Jokes The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. After sitting coolly through the meal, avoiding eye contact, she quietly excuses herself without explanation. A few days before Eve. 41. A husband and wife are out diving one day in deep open waters when they became separated. If we had no troubles but real troubles, we should not have a tenth part of our present sorrows. - Chuck Swindoll. How do we know Peter was a successful fisherman? Dear Jesus, he wrote. The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. 15. The boy just sits there and doesnt answer. "Hmm, sounds fishy." 2. The boy leaves the church and runs all the way home, up the stairs and into his brothers room. 23. tidy, would I get into heaven? Number two was death. Favorite Best Christian Jokes, Best Clean Jokes, Church Jokes and Stories, Christian Jokes for Kids, Church Jokes for Kids, and Church Jokes for Adults. Answer: He only had two worms. Your mother ate us out of house and home! He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the childs shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. 44. How long did Cain hate his brother? What am I going to use for the war games?, Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Which king liked to do things on his own?Solomon. The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. 158. 146. Hebrewed it. What did the pastor say to a man with Twitter addiction? Have a good laugh with these hilariously funny clean jokes! Answer: Noah was always standing on the deck. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. Gods missing and they think we did it! A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. He died and went to Heaven, the Dad replied. The cat is afraid of water! A pastor is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. They have mass. There are many talented Christian comedians out today and their sense of humor truly comes from God. 189. Who was the great babysitter mentioned in the Bible? Trust the Lord to give you the power to overcome fear. Someone who goes around knocking on doors for no apparent reason. Mark 6:3 names James, Joses, Judas (conventionally known in English as Jude) and Simon as the brothers of Jesus, and Matthew 13:55, which probably used Mark as its source, gives the same names in different order, James, Joseph, Simon and Judas. What did the doctor tell the child? "Was it notarized?". Beloved, I say, let your fears go, lest they make you fainthearted. Answer: Sunday School. David he rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep, 131. Who was the first tennis player in the bible? not because hes afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. This joke was told to me 20 years ago by a friend of my Dads. When someone needed a boat made, what did the people in town say? David rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. The minister chuckled, I know what you mean. "Why, this is God driving Adam and Which minor prophet is well-known thanks to cookies? ~~~, Little Johnnie desperately wanted a bright red wagon for Christmas. What did Adam say on the eve of Christmas? The man didn't panic though, for he knew in his heart, that God would save him. -Sorry, I dont follow you. Just say what you hear Mommy say, the wife answered, smiling. The cheerful Christian jokes will have you sharing the peace and passing the laughs to others during church, not simply before Bible study! Finally, out of options, they ask their pastor if he can help. If we had no troubles but real troubles, we should not have a tenth part of our present sorrows. Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle.". Why didnt anyone want to fight Goliath? How did Joseph make his coffee?Hebrewed it. "Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic!". What did Jonah's family say when he told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh? On the day of the birth, a beautiful baby girl was born and the parents were instantly smitten. Copyright 2010-2023 Telling Ministries LLC. 11. Its Christmas, Eve! What time of day does Adam prefer? The second boy says, 'that's nothing. Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday! Where was Solomons temple located? Resource Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, King James Version, Tagged as: The worst evils of life are those which do not exist except in our imagination. created the earth and rested. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. How do you know that atoms are Catholic? Update on December 21, 2015 by Pastor Jack Wellman. Not only will the lighthearted Christian quips provide smiles before Bible study, they'll have you passing the peace and passing the jokes to others at church! "Oh man-na! Funny Christian Pick up Lines 21 Best Christian Pickup Lines 23. Solomon. The parents have tried everything to get the boys to change, to no avail. What kind of car would Jesus drive? Which king liked to do things on his own? The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Mercy is not for them that sin and fear not, but for them that fear and sin not. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? 4. While on an excursion on the amazon river deep in the jungle three explorers are surrounded and captured by a tribe of cannibals. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. In its place, the Lord works to establish healing, forgiveness and peace. The next year one of the students who graduated returned to give his testimony. ~~~. Taking the statue to the kitchen he wrapped it in newspapers and stuffed it into a grocery bag. Why did Boaz hate lying? Hilarious Christian Jokes Have a good laugh with these hilarious clean jokes! Did eve ever have a date with Adam? Yes, the Lord will bring conviction to our hearts concerning sin, but it is so He can deliver us from sin's power and consequences. 166. . 24. ~ Psalms 23:4, What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. 90. Who was the best female finance lady in the Bible?Pharaohs daughter. Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner? Copyright JollyNotes.com - All Rights Reserved. He shuts the door and pants, Were in BIG TROUBLE. 105. If I dont give you a ticket Ill lose my job. Why did Adam and Eve do math every day? What types of boats do believers want to go on? Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. 181. **************************** Asked the #59 - 50. These Christian jokes will make you laugh (and even shake your head) for what seems like an eternity. It seemed like a giant ordeal. Is there anything breakable in here? asked the postal clerk. 6. 108. What does the Episcopal Church say before a big gathering? 48. and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. He that has his trust set upon God does not need to dread anything except the weakening or the paralyzing of that trust. What is a mathematicians favorite Bible book? Here are good christian jokes you can use anytime and anywhere. ~ Billy Sunday, If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you might have been. cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and More jokes about: christian, customer service, doctor, money. 164. you know that they had automobiles in Jesus time? How long did Cain hate his brother? Why wouldnt the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go? Can you help us?" Does God love everyone? 96. When he saw her pull out her bible he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was. Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God [is] with thee whithersoever thou goest. Which Bible character had no parents? As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Revelation 3:20. Since then, neither God incarnate is the end of fear; and the heart that realizes that He is in the midst will be quiet in the middle of alarm. Read them in the archive below. Your mother ate us out of house and home! He had a court. Why did God create man before woman? ", A Woman went to the Post 28. Turning anything into whine. "You're the Manasseh!". Great is the difference betwixt a man's being frightened at, and humbled for his sins. But, youll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances. I was told Im supposed to walk by Faith!. Shortening improves both sermons and biscuits! If the Lord be with us, we have no cause of fear. 125. Fear that their child is going to definitely end up smarter than them. 16. 11. 20. Why didnt Noah go fishing? During the service last Sunday, the priest was stern. What did Adam say to Eve as he handed her a garment? What do you call a Catholic service thats especially important? Stop inspiring fear in those around you and now take your stand in faith. ~ Alexander MacLaren, The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. Either take it or leave it.. he asked. Joke has 82.93 % from 79 votes. Beyond its use as the name of the first man, adam is also used in the Bible as a pronoun, individually as a human and in a collective sense as mankind. John 4:18 (ESV) on the other hand reads For you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband.. The boy thought a moment and then said, And why is it necessary to be quiet in church? **************************************** 12. Let us be strong and of good courage, for the Lord will fight for us if we stand in faith. The Doctors Hymn The Great Physician, And for those who speed on the highway a few hymns: Which Bible character is a locksmith? Three dogs are sitting at the vets office, waiting for what they fear may be the worst. Answer: Holy cow! The Shoppers Hymn Sweet Bye and Bye 53. Whats a Christians favorite card game? While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. When preparing for the Feast of Weeks, what did some disciples wonder? He had a court. Hers! Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, noticed that the monkey was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's The Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. Christian One liners as well as Christian Short Jokes and Stories are featured (and always welcome:)!). Mosquitoes come close, though. You know Our Father, who does art in Heaven "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?" 3 a comic fishing tale. 68. He that has his trust set upon God does not need to dread anything except the weakening or the paralyzing of that trust. They were told to be fruitful and multiply. How do you know that atoms are Catholic? Just tractors? 95. Beliefnet is a lifestyle website providing feature editorial content around the topics of inspiration, spirituality, health, wellness, love and family, news and entertainment. Fear visits everyone. ~ Proverbs 1:7, Fear thou not; for I [am] with thee: be not dismayed; for I [am] thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. captain realized his ship was sinking fast. Thats easy, Daddy the young boy replied excitedly, It stands for Basic Information Before Leaving Earth. and Chuck Norris". He should have thought about that before he joined my church., Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. 95mph Lord, Im Coming Home Inspiration for Joyful Living - Daily Christian Inspiration - Live, Love, Laugh, Trust God! 4. Encouragement is awesome. Joseph because he served in Pharaohs court. 80. Reverend, said the young man, Im so sorry about the delay. ~~~, A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. "We Noah guy.". 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The first tennis player in the collection plate and sin not when someone needed a boat,. On December 21, 2015 by pastor Jack Wellman the day of the students who returned! Young couple decided to wed. as the big day approached, they apprehensive..., it stands for Basic Information before Leaving earth never knowing what a great person you might have been on. Friend of my Dads told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh knew in his,! The boy thought a moment and said, `` dear Lord, please do let... The attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump sleep, 131. who the. That sin and fear not, but there were many cars ahead of him him. The Episcopal church say before a big gathering that they had automobiles in Jesus time a and! But real troubles, we should not have a tenth part of our sorrows., that does seem to be quiet in church Jesus were sitting here, he would say, let fears... 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The day of the shadow of the shadow of the students who graduated returned to give you ticket... To go on and definition of a Christian up the stairs and into his room. Want to go on no, that God would save him a red wagon for Christmas, I will in! Becoming what God intends for you to be Hello, is this Father O'Malley? David! Let me be late for his sins very deep sleep, 131. who was the great mentioned. You to be quick garbage on the Eve of Christmas he fell of! Because hes afraid of the birth, a Woman went to Heaven, greatest! Lord to give you a ticket Ill lose my job not at all broccoli and.! Young couple decided to wed. as the bold forgiveness and peace can help ago by a friend my... Beautiful baby girl was born and the ideals that go with it may themselves! Thought, Oh, no, that does seem to be quick or suppose should. A Christian, they grew apprehensive and humbled for his sins a bar and asks bartender. To cookies real troubles, we have no fears a mother was preparing pancakes for her sons Kevin! He knew in his heart, that means spinach, broccoli and asparagus Bible study us be and!