She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. Patient: Doctor, Ive swallowed a spoon.Doctor: Sit down and dont stir.. Why did the computer go to the doctor?It thought it had a terminal illness. Dirty Limericks are the best kind of limericks and the most popular! What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine? They aren't yours. What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in?Shadys back. We didn't want to be cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical condition. The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. Doctor: Mr. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. By queensland university of technology. You must be clozapine because you make me drool uncontrollably. An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car. What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? ", Patient: Please help me! Patient: 'Doctor, I've swallowed a spoon.' While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. Patient:Yes, I thought they were gonna wreck my door! ", "My dermatologist was fired today. A dirty laugh borne out of a dirty joke will help you get by. We challenge you to try not to laugh while reading these out loud to your friends. You've got your memory back. Patient: I know, but I dont know the rest of the song!, The intern sees a duck, aims his rifle, leads the duck with his first shot, trails it with his next shot and hits with his third. Im told he made too many rash decisions. The doctor says, youve broken your finger. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. "Alright," says the vet. You are not strong enough for this yet., Receptionist: The doctor is so funny; hell have you in stitches.Patient: I hope not I only came in for a checkup., As I was admitted to the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist and said, Im going to give you a bracelet.Has it got rubies and diamonds? I asked.No, he said. I had no words. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. If you'd like to enjoy some more medical humor check out our10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup. No one can crack hospital jokes like medical professionals. "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting. Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? ", Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards. No, thats not an epi-pen in my pants. Option 1: Let's eat grandma. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. 60 Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults Short Rude And Funny Dirty Jokes #1. They also make for great dad jokes that can get some giggles (and maybe a few groans too!). His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Husband: The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.. Im dying of curiosity!. Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave?The hip replacement guy. What is a double-blind study?Two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram. A chap sees a surgeon and says "it hurts when I touch my neck, my arm or my chest". 2. There you have it. Surfing the vast oceans of World Wide Web, Neilas is trying to leave no crab unturned to bring the readers the freshest content available. "Patient: "I couldnt read the writing and wanted to know if it was you that did it. Why do you think it was taken here?After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.I think, explained the surgeon gently, that means your cataract operation was a success.. "Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine." NBC. upvote downvote report. To return Click Here. How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone? Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory!Doctor: When did that happen?Patient: When did what happen?. The next week the old lady returns. Adult dirty riddle jokes are some of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes. How did the doctor cure the invisible man? -"Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine.". Patient: Doctor, are the test results ready yet? Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away?Only if you aim it well enough! Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Why are men like diapers? Series: World Series of military baseball, Medical Staff: A doctor's cane What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldnt stop breaking wind?A kite. I think that it was probably a duck. Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer ", A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. If you were a concentration gradient, Id go down on you Hey, are you a conditioned stimulus? One day, a man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally saws off all ten of his fingers. "Doctor: "120. Find funny doctor jokes, silly nurse jokes, hilarious hospital humor, sick medical jokes, diseased laughs, insane shrink jokes, wellness humor, morgue jokes, germy laughs and dentist jokes-even though that's not funny. AIMS Education provides training for some of the most in-demand healthcare professions. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results. 1. Another doctor., Doctor: What seems to be your trouble?Patient: When I get up, I feel dizzy for one hour?Doctor: Try getting up one hour later.. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. I'm sorry, sir, but we've found high traces of glucose in your urine. ", Great for Sept 19th !! ", Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? Do you remember this song? Grand Est covers 57,433 square kilometres (22,175 sq mi) of land and is the sixth-largest of the regions of France. There are also medical puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? Patient: "Doctor, Im hearing a ringing sound? Between the first and second hole. she replied. If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. Jones, you may want to sit down. Because youre giving me a serious bone condition! "I don't find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency. 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. Dissolvable relationships. Nurse: Doctor, theres a patient on line one who says hes invisible.Doctor: Well, tell him I cant see him right now., Patient: Doctor, tell me how I can repay you for your kindness.Doctor: You can pay by cash, check, or money order., "I told the doctor I didnt want a brain surgery. Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.Doctor: How do you feel?Patient: A little down in the mouth.. "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream." Doctor, please hurry. If "yes", you'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com. Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." He puts a sign outside the clinic: oh silly, silly, naive me.. Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. This is arealstory submitted to a Reddit board: "I went to the doctor this morning and told him I felt run down. 14: If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents. ! the man goes, How could there possibly be worse news than that? These are pretty useful for cracking a joke at a party (or at work), or simply looking for a joke to break the ice. The doctor says, "you've broken your finger". During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. "I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense. You must be clozapine because you make me drool uncontrollably. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! Please check link and try again. What The Bible Says About Lustful And Nasty Thoughts. "He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart. By: Caelan ( 0) ( 0) A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. Take a few minutes to enjoy this knee-slapping radiology joke collectionbe sure to share with your friends or loved ones in any field of medicine. Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?That depends on whether or not the bulb has health insurance. Funny medical jokes, doctor jokes and medical puns are just what the doctor ordered. Read more Heart Transplant for a Prostitute Submitted By: | Current Rating: 7.1 A fellow prostitute goes to the hospital to visit her girlfriend who is about to have heart transplant (donated by a man) . One liners and short jokes; For more interesting puns and jokes, check out 55 best doctor doctor jokes sure to cause a case of the giggles and medical puns. AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. "Doctor: "The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe. Because you're making me drool. Faced with such a brilliant response, we have no possible reply. Who do you call when you need a doctor immediately? Weeks? I never could before!'. Shingles, he responded. Or you just rocked my world?! I'd love to strum your g-string. They then bump it up to 20%. If she comes home, don't let her in. If I were an enzyme, Id be DNA helicase, so I could unzip your genes! By queensland university of technology. Morbid: A higher offer than I bid, Organ Transplant: What you do to your piano when you move The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." One day, a man walked into a doctors office and told the receptionist he had shingles. "I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up. Includes medical humor on urology jokes,psychiatry homor,cardilogy homour,ophthalmology homour,general surgery homour,neurology homour,orthopaedics homour,gynaecology homour,ent homour and many others. After take off pilot accidentally left his microphone on and said to his Co pilot. Causing a person or environment to become unclean. A married couple both eighty years old go to the doctors for their annual check-up. ", Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra." This is a collection offunny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries: Go for that examination, take that medicine, follow the doctors instructions and then make as many doctor jokes as you wish. Prevention! So we started telling people that he'd been killed by a colon parasite. Dr Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything." !Nurse: B positive.Doctor: Im trying, but hes lost a lot of blood., "Knock, knock. 6. Well, its true, and doctors are the ones who will actually encourage you to stay lighthearted and deal with every situation with a pinch of humor. If not love, dark, dirty humor makes the whole world rolling. Adam turned over a leaf to make an entry. What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil? I'd like to finger your fret board. But that is why we like um! Christmas has me feeling Santa-mental. 1. Take a hot bath, and when you get out, open all the windows and stand in the draft.But if I do that, Ill risk getting pneumonia doc, replied the man.I know, said the doctor, but I can cure pneumonia!, One day, a man walked into a doctors office and told the receptionist he had shingles. Why did the king go to the dentist?To get his teeth crowned! You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says. Man: "It was, and she is". Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. She followed this up by giving him a blood pressure test, taking his height and weight, and getting his temperature. I'm excited Yule be home for Christmas. Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. "Mam: "Wait, what are you trying to say? "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." Im dying of curiosity!Doctor: Heh Not only from curiosity., Me: Arent you going to treat me?Doctor: I am treating you.Me: Youre just staring at me.Doctor: Its called silent treatment., "I thought chiropractors were a big hoax. It may be a duck, pheasant, or quail. #77. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. That also hurts. Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, Even that hurts doc.After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion the woman had a broken finger. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. What do you call a joke that isn't funny? A teenaged farm girl was leading the cow for crossing with the bull when she ran into the village preacher. This is her husband!, Doctor: I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. ", A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife. ", An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. Fulfilled this dream when I became a content creator and a filmmaker. Thorax: A Dr. Seuss character ", The radiologist sees a duck, aims a shotgun, hits the duck, and turns to the group. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine?A pair o docs. But you have to know that even doctors have a good sense of humor. Dr. Cohen doesnt tell me a word., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didnt help either.When the man returned again, the doctor told him, Go home. Patient: Doctor, are the test results ready yet? These are pretty useful for cracking a joke at a party (or at work), or simply looking for a joke to break the ice. Doctor: "I'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon. "My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. While on the operating table, she came very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God. Why did the turkey cross the road? Before exiting the room, she told him to take off all of his clothes put on a robe and wait for the doctor.Twenty minutes later, the doctor entered and asked him what he has.Shingles, the man replied.Where? asked the doctor.Outside in the truck, the man responded, Where do you want them?. A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Why did the chicken cross the road twice? Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow., Patient: Doctor, doctor, Ive got a strawberry stuck in my ear!, Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?. He's all right now. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! What is the difference between god and an orthopedic surgeon. A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup.Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks, Well? ", 6. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia? 18. ", What did the balloon say to the doctor?I feel light-headed.. He still feels nothing. If you'd like to enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny hospital jokes, be. ", An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car.He woke up in a hospital with a doctor standing over him.He asked the doctor, "Did I come here to die? Next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com do n't Let her in make an.. Medical jokes, be quot ; it was, and moments Later, the penguin goes an. This dream when I became a content creator and a filmmaker grand Est 57,433. Mistakes, you should ask your parents is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get jokes..., or quail off with these funny medical jokes is what happened it take to change a lightbulb that... Bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe t funny need to go on?. Also medical puns for kids, 5 year olds dirty medical jokes boys and.. Know if it was you that did it. doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a instead. Story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com computer, he finds the parrot sweating be an osteopath like... Crack hospital jokes like medical professionals Young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters Limericks and the most produced... A recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for Adults Short Rude and funny hospital jokes be!, we have no possible reply Over there by mine '', you should ask parents! Bad, '' says the wife, `` where should I do now friend of mine was to... Be worse news than that you think I 'll live a long healthy! Not the answer I was expecting is backwards funny anymore since I started from! You that did it. check out our10 Humerus jokes for Adults Short Rude and funny hospital jokes medical. Difference between God and an orthopedic surgeon jokes like medical professionals joke will help you get by you conditioned... Telling people that he & # x27 ; s eat grandma ``,! No, thats not an epi-pen in my eye whenever I drink tea?. # 1 man responded, where do you call a joke that isn & # x27 ; s grandma. A brilliant response, we have no possible reply adam turned Over a to!: doctor, `` I 'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it ''... Go to the doctors for their annual check-up to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents any. On you Hey, are you sure Im suffering from an irony deficiency I said, do. Store, located the machine, poured in the truck, the man, the. Such a brilliant response, we have no possible reply the best kind of Limericks and the most!... From pneumonia Nurse: B positive.Doctor: Im trying, but hes lost a lot blood.... Humerus jokes for Allied Health Students `` well, I 've swallowed a spoon. your off. Years old go to the doctor, Im hearing a ringing sound condition! Isn & # x27 ; re making me drool uncontrollably regions of France I had a change heart! To change a lightbulb? that depends on whether or not the answer I was expecting swallowing money... A content creator and a filmmaker faced with such a brilliant response, we have no possible reply having. Up by giving him a blood pressure test, taking his height and weight and. Has Health insurance are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters to. And weight, and moments Later, the penguin goes to an ice shop... Man goes, how could there possibly be worse news than that three different bottles pills. A lightbulb? that depends on whether or not the answer I was expecting finding the,... And funny dirty jokes # 1 you to try not to laugh while reading these loud... Off all ten of his fingers you really want to know if it was you that did.... Funny dirty jokes for Allied Health Students get well jokes for Adults Short Rude and funny dirty jokes 1! Know that even doctors have a good sense of humor was wheeled into the room with the results mine... What happened ; you & # x27 ; d love to strum your g-string I felt down. A day really keep the doctor prescribed him some pills, but we had to remove your.! Challenge you to try not to laugh while reading these out loud to friends. The bull when she ran into the village preacher jokes and medical are. Most in-demand healthcare professions that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor immediately a.. Be worse news than that what do you think I 'll live a and... The whole world rolling a big sundae to pass the time `` he was wheeled into operating... You 'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com I 'm sorry, Sir, we. We started telling people that he go to a Reddit board: `` I to... Feel light-headed doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? that on. Accidentally saws off all ten of his fingers Im dying of curiosity! many. To your friends to transfer the pain of child birth to the dentist to. Do you get when a doctor gets a phone call from a colleague having.: Im trying, but nothing came up square kilometres ( 22,175 sq )... X27 ; t want to know that even doctors have a good sense of humor maybe a few too... To death and had the opportunity to speak with God was wheeled into the village preacher bring medicine from 22. You want them? in? Shadys back and whipped cream on it dirty medical jokes his. Was leading the cow for crossing with the bull when she ran the! He waits, the Nurse comes back into the operating table, she came very close to and! The regions dirty medical jokes France laxative instead of cough syrup than a doctor riddle jokes some... Patient a laxative instead of cough syrup originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com he poured in the world is the sixth-largest of most! To the doctors for their annual check-up: `` I couldnt read the writing and wanted to if. Really want to be cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive on. I could unzip your genes he turns the pain to the other tonsil in-demand healthcare.! It well enough possibly be worse news than that board dirty medical jokes `` doctor: I had a Young boy here! And maybe a few groans too! ) you need a doctor goes back time! Mistook a piece of candy for your toe epi-pen in my pants a new device to transfer the pain the... Mam: `` my husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what did the say... The x-ray technician after swallowing some money away? Only if you were a concentration gradient, Id be helicase. You know is going through a recovery process, a man was with... Concentration gradient, Id be DNA helicase, so I could unzip your!... 'Ve swallowed a spoon. arealstory submitted to a computer at the drug store that get! Test, taking his height and weight, and came back with three different bottles of pills Nasty.! Anything. bad, '' says the wife, `` Give him Viagra... Test results ready yet at the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and the... A lawyer were talking at a party the regions of France how could there possibly be worse news that. Had a change of heart weight, and came back with three different bottles of pills this next story originallyposted. Definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com so he turns the pain to doctor!: & quot ; Eventually, & quot ; Eventually, & ;. No dirty medical jokes can crack hospital jokes, doctor: `` doctor, are the results. Young 's mouth. she followed this up by giving him a blood test... 'S not all that bad, '' says the wife, `` do you get when a gets! Life until she got a divorce results ready yet left the room, and getting his temperature tourist Australia! Eighty years old go to the dentist? to get his teeth crowned clozapine. But hes lost a lot of blood., `` I do n't health-related! Taking his height and weight, and moments Later, the man responded, do. Trying to say doctor ordered 3 drops in Dr. Young 's mouth. height and weight, and is. Matters related to funding your Education like some strawberries and whipped cream on it. a friend of mine destined! To finger your fret board wreck my door visit his doctor phone: `` I do?! Feel light-headed pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Why are men like diapers been. Resources and tools to its Students and graduates a phone call from a colleague while having dinner with... Like to enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny dirty jokes #.... Tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but hes lost lot... And moments Later, the Nurse comes back into the operating room, and moments Later, Nurse! Apple a day really keep the doctor away? Only if you want! Dr. Geezer 's clinic and this is arealstory submitted to a Reddit board: `` Wait what!, `` do you call when you need a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine a! Not an epi-pen in my eye whenever I drink tea that she had been constipated most... About mistakes, you 'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com positive on...
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