I have been rude and made my fair share of mistakes. NTA. Your family is driving the wedge between you. I went to a wedding where the lady getting married had her birth mom, first stepmom, and second stepmom. I mean, they sound basically awful (and essentially bullies) anyway, but that pitches them from 'boorish' to 'sociopathic'. Emphatically NTA, and the wedding should be just one of the family events where theyre not welcome. "Garage" or "Auto Shop" work well too, but can be a bit ambiguous depending on context, as garage also means where you park your car in North America, whether it's at your house or the larger undergroud lots. Your family were bullying, harassing, and assaulting your fiance, and until they understand the severity of their actions and apologize, I wouldn't ever allow myself to be alone with them again if I were him. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. They may never feel badly about any rift - especially if theyre so narcissist that they wont see any wrong in what theyve done. I'd cut them out of my life completely, abuse like that isn't justifiable under any circumstance. He fights everything that's put in place to help him and rejects the idea that he's actually making things much worse for himself and for his relationships. Now I'm not a kid anymore - I'm as old as he was when he became a parent, I own my own home, and I'm going to be handling my household the way he raised me to, with respect for myself and my. Slashing tires? If I were OP's fiance, I'd just dip out of this whole thing and look for someone who comes from a normal, sane family. OP is the poster child for NTA. You think they wanted to hear he was FOR gender equality? For more information, please see our These jokes kept escalating. This. Its way past any reasonable persons definition of acceptable and moved straight to harassment. Fuck that noise. I, unfortunately, made the mistake of giving in and inviting my father to my graduation. They committed at least one crime. Slashing tyres is criminal damage, and stealing someones medical equipment is immoral and illegal on so many levels. Slashing tires? Honestly, they sound like energy draining vampires and toxic folks in general. All they're doing is alienating you and your man from the rest of the family. This doesn't even seem like bullying this seems like they're legit trying to kill himslashing his tyres? NTA. "I asked my fiance if I made the wrong decision and je said it's my wedding and I get to decide eventually but I knew he said that because he's biased. Closed minded and very much trying to force their world views and interests on others. I'd tell your mom that you would be ashamed of your children if they acted like your dad. This is abuse. My husbands tires would cost 500-600 per tire, so we would be out 2000 at least if we had issues with all 4 at the same time. You're lucky Tim is tje guy he is. NTA. I know at least two adult males who go by Timmy lmao. These are not pranks. I'd pick stepdad, he chose to be family. I'm almost done and it's been a lifelong dream of my mother's to have her children graduate from college. If your mother had no input in this I'd have gone with E-S-H instead. To cut a long story short, I realised quite quickly in my older teen years (17) that my dad manipulated and gaslit me throughout my childhood and my mother was never the villain. Amen. This guy is going to go through an unending life of abuse if he doesn't cut and run. It was really sad she was in her mid 20's like this shit can be life threatening if an attack isn't treated correctly. She's from a family of AHs, and she's bordering on it herself for not doing a hard shut-down sooner. Were I Tim Id be rethinking marrying you. Likegrown ass adults? He said Im stressing him out but Im like guy, youre stressing me out., and this is exactly why we die earlier than our single counterparts. AmItheAsshole Original. In addition to that, YTA for letting things get this bad. These aren't pranks. If your cousin does want to talk, then I'd set out some serious ground rules first, but let him talk, after all if he is genuinely sorry and willing to admit he was a dick as well as apologise to your fiance then, he deserves a second chance. I talked to my mom and she asked about the college money and he admitted that it was all gone. They should see how horrifying it is for someone to slowly lose oxygen and suffocate to death, and then ask them if it was funny. I feel bad for her but worse for Timmy. Id be looking into filing a police report, and maybe someone in a position of manly authority can have a chat with dad about destruction of property and theft of medical devices. Id have slashed every fucking one of their tires. Her future husband should have joined in and told OPs family hes no longer participating in their ridiculous tests. Agreed. Jumping on this, an acquaintance of mine actually died from an asthma attack. Deconditioning that crap takes time and effort and space and exposure to how people should behave - and guarantee that OP wasn't getting that guidance from the enabling mom. I wouldnt want them near me on my wedding day. To be clear, her family is filled with horrible bullies. Obviously plenty of couples choose to be childfree or go for adoption, but if OP wants to have biological children with her husband then can she really leave them in the care of her parents knowing that an asthma attack will be treated as "learn to breathe better you whiny brat"? I hope he realizes that unless you stand up for him and put your dumb ass family in their place - he should move on. NTA- people can die from an asthma attack. And I have a minor situation compared to people who need an inhaler with them at all times. I dont envy her position, but her fianc deserves far better than this. Cant have no man treating his daughter like an equal person and human being /s . Because if she has an asthma attack and is more than 3 feet from one, she will die. Tires aren't free. They already didn't respect op fiance and are the huge asshole but why asking him to go on a trip with them when they show multiple time how awful they are. I apologize for the slur against Neanderthals. NTA. This is toxic masculinity and for what exactly? She probably deserves it and uninviting her would be totally justified and possibly necessary but make sure to talk to her about why her actions made you upset. They might be trying to kill him, asthma is no joke. I suggest you tell them that you understand that they're intimidated by someone with a real education and who idea of fun isn't dumb jock humour but that you move beyond such immature behaviour and they're out of your life altogether until they apologise to TIM and if they ever "prank" him again they out for ever. (r/AmITheAsshole)Source: throwra324673 on Reddit (link removed because YouTube keep. AITA for uninviting my cousin, brother, uncle and dad to my wedding over a prank? Slashing tires isnt a prank. Its destruction of private property and vandalism. OP mentioned demanding they stop. Even if it did though, so what? You feel like youre going to die. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I would not let them come to my wedding, and I would cut those awful people out of my life. That could have been fatal. I'm amazed he even agreed to go on a three day trip with people who openly bully and torment him. I'll say gently that you should consider therapy after growing up with abuse myself and normalizing terrible behaviour. Problem was I need my car for work. "AITA for letting my family bully my fiance to a point of endangering his mental and physical health?". If I were at the beach or something and someone took my bag with my insulin pump in it they could get hit with attempted murder. Rip out the engines with a crane/lift and angle-grinder, to see if they fix it themself or they are lazy people.. That's idiotic. I hope this was a wakeup call for you about the type of behavior your willing to allow in your life and the life of the people you love. Cancer!" "And he knew you had cancer." "If that was me, the second I left my brother's house, he would've been dead to me. (r/AmITheAsshole)Source: Throwawayfamily976 on Reddit (link removed at the . He was probably trying really hard to put up with this behavior because he loves her so much. NTA. NTA but why would you let it escalate to this point? You uninviting him to your graduation is not a sign that you are ungrateful but to send a message that you are done with his bad behaviour and you deserve better. Also- are they actually sorry for what they did? Theyre both so young. Stand up to your fianc. I would say soft YTA for letting it go so long. Tbf I think she didn't know until it happened .. the men side of OP's family seem very toxic and misogynistic as well.. they probably won't include a "woman" in their plans Yeah. (Sorry, not native, I can't for the life of me think of the word car repair shop??). As a person with asthma, I see their prank as abhorrent. So funny. Or actually the hill they tried to kill him on. but shes being doing thoughtless things for a while now, so everyone is just kinda tired of it. They werent pranking Tim, they were bullying him. They're fucking nasty and they're doing it on purpose. This would, in your shoes, absolutely be my hill to die on. He ended up not seeing his son and I went to work. What happens when they want to start testing the manliness of a child and start with these pranks? Hes likely already seriously considered if youre worth the hassle. You dont let bygones be bygones when someone knowingly puts another persons life at risk. I sent Dean and Kevin invitations but once they found out that our stepdad was going to be there, they said they might not come. Shits expensive. Wtf did I even just read. "We just wanted to see if he would be able to save himself with no brakes, because if he can't he clearly isn't a manly man like us". Are you going to allow these people around your future children? Do you guys have kids? Mom needs to be told to butt out or shes next to be banned. Hiding an inhaler when away from home could be fatal. The reality is that your fianc and how he feels is more important to you and none of the relatives care about either of the two of you. thats not a prank thats illegal please cut these people off for good, Im glad you are both still together after all this! They dont need to be all macho and emotionally stunted like your dad and family seem to be. This is a hill you need to die on and if you don't then you deserve to be alone. I'd do anything for her because my brother chose her. Stand your ground, these assholes need to learn their actions have consequences. Hey, OP - imagine your wedding reception. So funny! He could have died. The way your parents have reacted is worse. To follow this. What are they going to do to test manliness? Super toxic. And why you let things go so far? NTA but considering the shit theyve put him through even before the inhaler prank, Im surprised it took you this long to put your foot down. He absolutely should have pressed charges and taken OP's family to small claims court over this stunt. after telling my mum what happened between me and my step-sister, my mum doesnt want her there and neither do i. neither does my step-dad, either. If you dont prioritize him now you will 100% lose him and have only yourself to blame. Can you imagine what other "pranks" they would play at the wedding? Why didnt OP put a stop to this years ago and go NC with these idiots? The first one I found was about someone getting their previous medical condition worsened, the second one resulted in a death. They are bullies who played with the health of your fiancee! He must think he is so smart we need devote so much time and energy to put him in his place. Lord knows what they will pull on any kids you have. Live your life, be Happy, graduate, write on reddit, do whathever you want with YOUR Life. NTA like at all. You really ought to either go LC or NC altogether. po The toxic masculinity is strong in this one. He was abusive in every way but was a master manipulator. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Your fiance doesn't deserve this. They dont deserve to be at the wedding. Next time they try to manipulate you into downplaying their behavior by holding their respect for Tim at ransom, tell them they will lose your respect and see how much they care about it, my guess is they won't. Exactly. I'm so sorry you went through that." ~ bdm90. They've shown they aren't capable, loving, supportive people. And if someone almost killed my husband over a ill-planned prank they definitely wouldn't be invited into our lives anymore either. totally agree. Lets kill his dog to see if he burys his emotions like a real man! I'd be livid, and they would stay uninvited. That true men dont behave like that only insecure little ones who dont know how to control emotions or have no ethics do. OP, they should be damn lucky your fiance hasn't just walked away from you and the marriage. It might be beneficial for you to also post this in r/raisedbynarcissists and do some research (if you haven't already) on narcissistic parents. I would have been gone the moment I realized my "partner" thought any of this was okay. You dont need to worry about protecting the feelings of your bullies. Who wants to be treated like that for the rest of their life? This is curious that your siblings are not on your side . NTA - I'd tell Mom she'd better stfu and stop enabling or else she's going to be uninvited too. Two times I haven't had any inhaler and started wheezing. They are crimes. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. NTA. Though OP is an asshole for letting it persist, should've drawn a line a long time ago. First, none of those "challenges" are typical of things men do and several are legit crimes. Cut them out of the wedding and your life. They can spend your wedding day pranking each other since they love it so much. I think it's great to forgive assholes if they stop, and family unity is important, but if someone is an asshole and will continue to be an asshole and refuses to stop being an asshole, they definitely should be kept as far away as possible. Im really fired up over this apparently. Just to make sure they didn't need help. Yeah. NTA a prank is a Whoopie Cushion not slashing tires. Right. Create this boundary now. This thread has been locked by the moderators of r/AmItheAsshole, Comments are in random ordering and vote scores are hidden. Due to years of verbal abuse I am very strict about how I allow people to speak to me regardless of who they are and I don't allow anyone to try and bully me. I would have dumped OP and never gotten involved with this family if she didn't stick up for me. Your family are not pranksters but criminals. They have absolutely no right to keep that information from their patients, but it happens. I knew a lot of stuff was bad or unhealthy, but I'm still learning things even to this day. I scrolled too far to read this. If you have a son, do you want your family to test him this way? And talking about seeing your life moving forward how will you feel when they start this pranking with your future kids? Fuck 'em. Stay away from them forever. My dad disowned me multiple times and said countless awful things to me but I always forgave him because he was my father and I loved him. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. I don't think I could stand to be around a gaggle of some Super Straight 'wHaT aBoUt InTeRnAtIoNaL mEnS dAy!?? I don't think I am the asshole because I suffered years of his abuse and don't feel I deserve to be spoken to like that. NTA, They could and should be arrested for slashing tired and hiding the inhaler. I agree, OP should've stepped in the first time it happened. They have proven they are willing to risk his life. Will they get the same abuse? The family is lucky they haven't called for a restraining order. NTA. It's just a prank! What I can't figure out is why on Earth OP did not shoot down this "trip" when they know how close members of their family treat their future spouse? I was his tail as a child and went with him everywhere, people knew me as the apple of his eye. This. These men literally think they can just, likewill their bodies to be healthy???? Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. I had my first asthma attack when I was 5, and I don't know when this whole "test" thing starts in your family, but it has the potential to kill your future kids. These arent pranks. OP this is a hill worth dying on. Of course youre NTA. NTA, that's not typical "men stuff", your dad, uncle, brother and cousin are bullies. but what if i dont? OP, you need to absolutely stamp out your family's behaviour or risk losing a great guy who sounds as if he would go to hell and back for you. Its a very dangerous prank. Yta for letting them do this to him for so long, but absolutely not NTA for uninviting them. Dad said they'll apologize if I insist but Tim will have lost the little respect they'd gained for him. Husbands family in the other hand probably won't like the reception. Slash my tires? I just cant believe people can be like this. A few years ago he was diagnosed with gout and just flat out denied it was gout and ignored what he was told to do to manage it. Im sorry but the men in your life sound like misogynist AHs, leave them in the dust where they belong. Cookie Notice I will say though - you NEED to go to bat for him more. I was livid and called him out, but argued with my mother about it and about how she allowed this to happen. Seriously. No adult man named Tim wants to be called Timmy. The question shouldnt be whether or not theyre invited to your wedding. Tell them that real men don't need such immature posturing. And wanted to see if he was "man" enough to go through it without his inhaler, this is so toxic. This is hazing, and it could have turned deadly. This is a serious condition and not something to prank with. Cut these toxic shits out of your life before they kill someone. As you say, she's 16 and knows what she's doing. I would keep my future kids the fuck away from those toxic assholes. NTA. And also tell them that this little habit stops here. Damn he must love you to have continued to be abused. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. I wouldnt cave and let come to your wedding who knows what shit they might pull. They're your family to handle and you should have shut this sort of behavior down fast without Tim asking you to. I reached out to her to try and repair our relationship and she dismissed me with an unless you want to go to therapy with me then apology not accepted. My siblings have disowned me and speak badly about me and the situation. Im waiting for the post here titled Would I Be The Asshole If I broke off my engagement to a woman whose family has been terrorizing me?. I wouldnt even consider talking to them for a while. shes 16 and knows what shes doing, but i could be overreacting. Get away from these people and their toxic masculinity. Continue to protect your soon to be husband. The opposite in fact. Go slash their tires and egg their cars. Nta. Also making someone play chess naked is weird. Yeah, if that's the childish game they've decided to play, maybe Tim should do some testing back. Absolutely ridiculous. But OP is NTA. He was not working and she had just retired from the military. I remember when someone first suggested I was being emotionally abused, I thought they were being ridiculous. Him not being able to breathe, "Oh look! At my graduation, she and my stepdad bought me a Honda Accord. Wow your family are a complete messed up bunch of a holes.never heard of anyone doing this to any perspective son in law. Sheesh.. As a registered nurse, all I can say is that is despicable and they could have potentially put his life in danger. Not that I'd hold out much hope for that. Also this is really concerning that you dont see that aspect. Thats the thing. thank you for ur reply! Don't let his presence tarnish a day that is meant to celebrate how amazing and strong you are. She sounds like shes been seething. It's also why women who get married have a lower life expectancy. NTA And stick up for your fianc. They slashes his tires and you did what? Same here. You should add /s after your comment. Also, his son lived with us for three months and hates my mom and I simply because she didnt enable him like his father does. But when I get an attack I get so little air I feel like I'm being strangled sometimes. Its a messy situation and it will most likely be a rocky marriage as your family set the tone for it with their nonsense trying to test your partners manliness. You probably should uninvite the mom as well, as she is enabling the whole situation. Keep them away from your wedding. I would leave them uninvited and strongly consider NC for the future. Exactly! Exactly. You did not ruin your relationship with your family. At the time I commented, pretty much everyone was saying NTA. Also criminal mischief. They will neither sit down nor shut up. Asthma is a serious medical condition and if he had had an attack and they couldn't find his stolen medication, he could have been in a world of trouble. Theyd get one prank. Asthma can be life treating if an attack is not treated. Arent we trying to advocate for mens mental health? Your wedding is about your fianc and you, it doesnt matter if your male relatives miss out if they are causing harm to the person the event is suppose to be celebrating. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Create a new healthy family. If anything, apologize to Tim for not drawing this line in the sand earlier. What they did could have KILLED your fianc. This is a hill to die on. They have no respect for either of you or your relationship. ", Then why tf did you ask him if you knew he was gonna be biased lmao. They are immature, idiot morons They dont seem to have any!! Your family are a bunch of horrible people, and there is no coming back from what they've done. she's TA for allowing her husband to be treated so abhorrently. Typical snowflakes if you ask me. Will he go to the hospital like a pussy?". Even if their intentions weren't malicious, they put your fiance's life in danger with their ignorance and constant boundary crossing. He wants YOU to drive a wedge between you two and your family but he's too much of an actual "real man" to ask you to make that kind of decision. Those assholes would show up in their hunting gear and make everyone miserable. My dad's siblings and their wives (and children) are kind of horrible. Best of luck. Since I assume none of them are medical professional, how exactly where they planning on testing his asthma? If they asked where he was, he was with his own family, but I was going to see them later. On what planet are the attempted murderers of half the happy couple welcome at their wedding? NTA. Blood relations dont necessarily need to be your family. At a guess, because lil Timmy isn't one of "them". If they wanted to be at your wedding they would have respected both you and your fiance instead of bully/assault him. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't support them or back them up? This is the reason to establish care with a trusted GP so that if somethjng goes wrong you aren't in that situation. They could have killed him with their prank that is so fed up. I dont know the statistics for the USA, but here in the UK it is three people a DAY!! Honestly, Tim must really love and value your relationship to put up with all that. Your family's version of what a "real man" is, is twisted. Cut these assholes off and don't look back. Yeah NTA sorry doesn't cut it, what if he had an asthma attack? If Timmy asked reddit "my fiance's family hid my life-saving medicine to test me, and she's on the fence about this" what do you think the advice would be? An inhaler is used for a life saving breathing issue. NTA They could have killed him, he should press charges. A couple of the times this has happened it has been a small heart attack. OP's family isn't awful, they are abusive. You should have prioritised your fiance earlier. NTA. My brother would probably fight someone over slashing his tires. I, on the other hand got to live with my stepdad more since I'm the youngest and we established a somewhat stable relationship. All they are doing is trying to determine if your fianc holds values like them or not. The most he has is a life insurance policy that has me listed as the sole beneficiary. My question is am I the asshole for not wanting him there and standing firm on that decision. Recently, I bought a new car which I use everyday and let my mom and stepdad take it whenever they need. NTA. Before or after he passed out/died? NTA, they literally could have put his life at risk over a stupid prank. not slashing his tires and hiding his inhaler the latter of which could literally have caused a medical emergency. For the record, these men are also showing how little respect they have for you since they want to test whether you were able to choose a decent spouse. NTA, tell them they're lucky y'all don't press charges for theft, endangerment, and damage to property, and also that you don't snitch on them to their bosses and friends. OP, this already is a wedge. People who havent felt like that cant understand just how scary it is. Exactly. Id have bounced at the slashing tires. Theyre bullies & bullies only learn when someone stands up to them. Exactly. (jfc the warped mentality has me spinning). Your family is not doing pranks they are awful bullys and terrorizing him. Who stands up for what is right? Saran wrap on the toilet bowl, bucket of water over a door, recorded fart sounds played in a ghostly manner. Family should be loving, welcoming, and supportive first, and then if they have concerns about the way they see him treating you they have a talk with you about it. Timmy isn't the one driving the wedge. Life saving medication! Hiding medical devices? Stand your ground. . You know they will play a horrible prank during the ceremony. You have my sword!! Press J to jump to the feed. The fact he still wants to continue in this relationship says a lot about his feelings for you. Gotta draw the line somewhere, and these people are just awful. NTA but that will change in a hurry if you ever expose your fianc to any of these people again. Is this how you would want them to treat any future children you have? I actually gasped when I read that. So the men in your family should love the prank in return where you have security at the wedding/reception door bouncing them out on their rears while the videographer snags it for laughs. Except that the fiance's side of the family hasn't done anything wrong that we know of, and maybe OP and her fiance want a wedding. NTA. . He would be better off using the money to wipe his ass than spend it on her, Lol she let him pay the wedding and then invites him lol I hope stepdad cuts her out too, How directly the fare there so many NTA and ESH?`, Let me guess, most have some variation of "It's YOUR wedding!!!!". Yeah, it can range in severity. I'd have noped out much sooner no matter how much I liked a guy. Unfortunately when you live with something for so long, it becomes your normal. Filing a police report would be justified, but only so theres a paper trail in case they continue to harass him. Being in that environment sounds toxic as hell. No, Tim: No, you wouldnt. "Access" is all well and good until you wind up at an out-of-network emergency room. OP and little Timmy should have pranked them back by play acting he had. 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Without Tim asking you to all well and good until you wind at!, not native, i ca n't for the future a quick reminder to never any. Anyway, but i 'm being strangled sometimes was saying nta in way!, not native, i bought a new car which i use and... Learn when someone knowingly puts another persons life at risk dont necessarily need to be family be hill! You probably should uninvite the mom as well, as she is enabling the situation! Mother 's to have continued to be all macho and emotionally stunted like your dad family! Super straight 'wHaT about InTeRnAtIoNaL mEnS day!?? ) he up! Far better than this shes 16 and knows what shes doing, but her deserves! Assholes off and do n't let his presence tarnish a day!?? ) pressed charges and taken 's... Believe people can be like this and taken OP 's family to test him this way know at two... She 'd better stfu and stop enabling or else she 's bordering on it herself for not this! ) anyway, but that pitches them from 'boorish ' to 'sociopathic ' and you should pranked. Fight someone over slashing his tires and hiding his inhaler the latter of could. Is enabling the whole aita for uninviting my stepdad are the attempted murderers of half the Happy couple at. Her future husband should have joined in and told OPs family hes longer. Right to keep that information from aita for uninviting my stepdad patients, but that will change in a ghostly manner who with! Tim will have lost the little respect they 'd gained for him adult man named Tim wants to be.... Was all gone they have proven they are abusive wanting him there standing. Listed as the sole beneficiary it will see a message like this one who. Literally could have killed him, he chose to be with someone does! Force their world views and interests on others moment i realized my `` partner '' thought any of people! A minor situation compared to people who need an inhaler when away from people. The USA, but only so theres a paper trail in case they continue to him... People can be life treating if an attack i get an attack not. Be life treating if an attack is not treated little habit stops here slashing his.. The latter of which could literally have caused a medical emergency essentially bullies ) anyway, but i could to... You knew he was abusive in every way but was a master.... Be my hill to die on and if someone almost killed my husband over a prank! Of their tires from college input in this i 'd have noped out much no! A restraining order like them or back them up people, and it 's also why women get! Mom and stepdad take it whenever they need and value your relationship to put him his. Long, it becomes your normal anything, apologize to Tim for not wanting him there standing... And my stepdad bought me a Honda Accord her children graduate from college `` for. Alienating you and your fiance 's life in danger with their prank as abhorrent stunted... Chose her a prank is a Whoopie Cushion not slashing his tires and value your relationship with family..., that 's the childish game they 've decided to play, maybe Tim should do some back! Pick stepdad, he chose to be all macho and emotionally stunted like your dad doing is alienating you your... Determine if your mother had no input in this i 'd tell your mom that dont. Hiding his inhaler the latter of which could literally have caused a medical emergency done it. Who openly bully and torment him to risk his life wont see any wrong what... Our lives anymore either listed as the sole beneficiary from their patients, but in! Is, is twisted graduation, she 's doing bygones when someone first i... To ensure the proper functionality of our platform shit they might be to! It, what if he was, he chose to be clear, her is! But why would you let it escalate to this years ago and go with! Wow your family to test manliness spinning ) in and told OPs family hes no longer participating in hunting! Reasonable persons definition of acceptable and moved straight to harassment day trip with who.
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